Pinterest: It’s in My Job Description (Apparently)

Who knew you could spend 7 hours on Pinterest and collect a paycheck? That’s not why I took this job years ago; however, judging from how I have spent the past few weeks, you'd think it was. Thanks to a relevantly slow period (is there such a thing in ResLife) and my monster of a boss, Irene, most of my duties have vanished.

Before Irene arrived, I was plenty busy; my supervisor delegated a portion of his workload to me. I didn’t mind it—I earned great experience and it helped pass the day faster. Not anymore! Irene has taken offense to my frank nature and efficient way of doing my job, so she feels I have “not earned the right” to work beyond my job description.

She actually had the nerve to say, at a staff meeting, that I had not grown enough as a hall director and needed to understand “what we do in this office”. She threatened me with “special projects” to help me be a better team player (aka bullshit that bosses say).

This resulted in an over the top tantrum behind my closed office door, complete with thrown pens, crumbled post-it notes, and suggestions for what Irene could do with a goat. Let’s just say I was none too pleased with the sudden decrease in responsibilities. Unfortunately, it has also meant I have less to do since I know what needs to happen over the next few months and have everything set until next August with paperwork.

So, while Irene attempts to assert her perceived power over the hall directors and give extra work to her new favorites, I’ll continue to surf HigherEdJobs.com and Pinterest to find a better job and another 50 uses for modge podge and cereal boxes.

Hall Directors Are Human Too

This week, I am prostaff on-duty. Not my favorite part of the job, but hell, we all have to do it right? Last semester, I was fairly lucky. I only had one drunken student to confront and one false fire alarm. However, tonight, I made up for all the good duty karma I collected. Tonight, I spent two hours with a domestic abuse victim who ended up pressing charges on her boyfriend.

When I arrived on the scene, Kayla, the young lady pressing charges, was trying hard to be calm even though her tear-stained face told me she was one question away from breaking down. While sitting on her roommates’ bed and clutching a tattered teddy bear, Kayla told me about her boyfriend, Harry, and the fight they had just finished.

...In With the New

Over the past few weeks, my old boss has been shifted to another complex and a new Area Coordinator has been hired in his place. At first, I was excited about a change in leadership, especially since I think a bag of cat treats can supervise better than my boss of 4 years. However, my elation quickly disappeared and was replaced with dread and anger.

The new boss, a rather nasty, older woman with apparent confidence issues, has already told each of the hall directors under her that she is looking to “shake things up”. This past Friday, Irene demanded we each write a two-page summary justifying why we deserve to stay in our current assignment and why we are suited for the RHD position. I have been in Residence Life for longer than she has and this is the welcome we get.

Plus, it is painfully obvious that the only other female hall director in my complex (Emily) and I have large Target-inspired bull’s-eyes on our backs. Despite our open arms approach when welcoming her to our campus, Irene scrutinized every document, every incident report, and every RA request Emily and I have completed for the last semester. But, the two guys on the staff are allowed to do whatever they want without so much as a sideways glance from Irene; they have been told to “do whatever is necessary to run a smooth staff and hall”.

I can already sense a battle brewing. Why can’t women get along in the workplace? Why is that some women feel threatened by other females who have no ill-intention and simply want to learn from their experience? Irene could have learned a lot from us, and we could have learned a lot from Irene. It’s about to get real ugly up in here.

Its Okay to Help Yourself

First of all, I apologize to my readers for being away for a few months. Things in life got a little heavy for my liking, and writing took a back seat. Things are finally settling, and it seemed like a good time for me to return for a bit.

The job market has been tough. I know you're thinking, "no shit Sherlock". Sorry, I had to state the obvious. After spending too many hours to properly count on applying for jobs, I have nothing to show for it. I interviewed for a few Area Director positions at ACPA. However, nothing happened.

I have been in the same hall director position for five to seven years. I have stretched myself beyond my professional limits. I have taken on new responsibilities beyond my job description to gain unique experience. Yet, nothing I have done has led to the next step in the residence life field.

As summer wound down, I started the slow decent into depression as I realized I was once again beginning a new academic year as hall director of Xavier Hall (pseudonym) instead of settling into a new, higher position. Like many of my colleagues out there in higher education land, I felt frustrated, cheated, and angry. Had I not done everything "they" suggested to further my ResLife career? Had I not sat on lots of committees, volunteered my time with other departments, and apprenticed with the Operations office for a semester? How could all these years of self sacrifice and constant professional development fail me?

Needless to say, after a solid month of intense misery and self-loathing, it was suggested that I see a therapist to deal with these feelings. I found out just how much anxiety can accumulate by living for years in a toxic fish bowl. Although I am still disillusioned with my career and wish I could live/work somewhere else, I am learning to better handle the stress of my disappointment.

For all you readers who are struggling to find purpose in your career, take solace in that you are not alone. If there are bigger issues and you still have anxiety about your job, your living space, or your future, please don't be afraid to reach out. We all are trained to take care of others, yet a lot of the time, we forget to help ourselves.

Fifty Shades of Shit

Before I launch into my usual rant, I need to be very clear, I have NEVER read Fifty Shades of Grey, nor will I ever. However, I know enough to make my stomach turn whenever the book is mentioned. A colleague of mine told me the basis of the plot and it by no means encouraged me to experience the series.

In a world where 80% of women under 30 have been sexually assaulted and every 2 minutes someone is raped in our country, why on Earth is a book that promotes sexual abuse such a big hit? Of course, I have been told this series is about a woman who willingly gets involved with a man who is into S&M and grows to love the spankings and abuse. However, even after he beats the shit out of her in the “Red Room of Pain” and it appears that she leaves him, she returns only after a short period of time.

This series is more dangerous than Twilight. It sends a chilling message that women need to be dominated, abused, and manipulated. I don’t buy the bull shit excuse that women are tired of being in control of their work and personal lives, and this book allows them to slip into a fantasy world devoted to pain and sexual dominance. When did our society fall into this pathetic realm of abuse and sadism? When did women become powerless minions of abusive men? When did women become the weaker sex—for real this time?

As a survivor of a sexual assault and several abusive relationships, I weep for the young women who read this abhorrent series and believe they must surrender their rights, their personalities, and their independence to keep a man. I weep for survivors of rape and abuse, because this series glorifies sexual assault as “romantic” and evidence of love. It is obvious the author has never been raped, never been hit, and never been in fear of her life from an abusive lover. Or if she has, she is too fucked up for words.   

As a Residential Life professional, I am overwhelmed with anger, grief, and despair over how this book has been received. This past year, I counseled three rape victims—there is no way I would describe their experiences as romantic. Their rapists were not misunderstood men (like Grey) who were simply confused about how to express love. Abuse is not sexy. Abuse is not erotic. Abuse is a horrific blight on our culture, and it sickens me to my core that a WOMAN is profiting off the glorification of it.

I will be pushing for this book to be featured in our RA training—not for its literary merit, but for the appalling message it sends both men and women. Maybe we can bring a silver lining to the Fifty Shades of Grey clouds hanging over our society. 

Game Over. Or is it?

While playing Donkey Kong for the Wii with a few of my Conference Hosts tonight, they asked me why the game would even count down your lives since it saves periodically throughout game play. Even if you run out of all your red balloons, you can simply start from your last completed level and resume the game.

It was at this point, that I realized how I old I am compared to these young ones. When I first started playing video games, Mario Brothers (the original) was the most popular game and the only console available was the Nintendo. There were no memory cards or save options. You had a certain number of guys with whom to play, and if you ran out, you were forced to restart the entire game from the very beginning.

Little Diddy & His Scholarship

Justin Combs, son of P. Diddy/Puff Daddy/Sean Combs, has received a UCLA football scholarship offer. Even though his dad is reportedly worth $500 million (according to the Huffington Post article available here), Justin plans on accepting the money. When the controversy first began, Justin responded via Twitter, “Regardless what circumstances are, I put that work in!!!! PERIOD."

I don’t disagree that Justin Combs is a smart man. The same article said he is graduating from Iona Prep in New Rochelle with a 3.75 GPA. I don’t disagree that Justin Combs is a great athlete since he earned a scholarship to UCLA. What I find issue with is that P. Diddy has WAY more money than most parents of first semester students and can afford to send his son to UCLA, Harvard, and Yale (all at the same time) without taking out a Parent PLUS loan.

Liberal Arts v. Trade Schools

No job offers yet. I guess there’s still time. In the meantime, I question if I made a mistake with my liberal arts degree. Would I have been better off getting a specialized or vocational degree? Would I look good in plumber overalls? Hell yea!

Liberal Arts degrees provide students with an overall education. It prepares them not just for their career, but for the world. No one likes being forced to take Intermediate Statistics or Child Psychology if they are a biology major; however, by knowing more than their core subject, they are better equipped to be a well-rounded citizen.

Trade schools or universities with no general education component prepare students for a specific career track.  Examples are art schools, air conditioner repair certificates, and vocational programs at community colleges. Rather than expend energy on classes that have nothing to do with their future, students enroll in courses with a stronger focus on their major.

RA Training: What's on your "Hell No" List?

After several meetings, our committee is only slightly closer to a concise training plan. The last time we met, we engaged in the usual ResLife brainstorming sessions where one person stands at the front of the room jotting down every inane idea we feel comfortable shouting out. As with every other meeting before, the suggestions start serious and quickly devolve into outlandish and immature.

Training Theme Announced: Hunger Games

Sorry readers for the extended absence. I wish I could say I was busy tutoring under-privileged youth in the inner city or that I volunteered to rebuild houses in the South with Habitat for Humanity. Nope. I was just hung over from indulging in too many laps around my empty hall while screaming, “I’m FREE!!” Now it is back to the grind of preparing for RA training, which commences in less than three months.

Today, I received the training theme. Since we usually follow the pop culture trends of the year, I was not surprised to see Hunger Games. Hopefully, Lionsgate will not hunt down the department and sue the pants off of it for copyright infringement. Oh who am I kidding, I really want that to happen—a lawsuit would be entertaining. However, Warner Brothers never showed up when we used Harry Potter three years ago, so my hopes are not high. Anyway, I digress.

Luckily, I am on the training committee so I can geek out with my Hunger Games knowledge which has grown exponentially since I discovered how hot Gale and Peeta are. For the summer, I will be updating you all on how we are incorporating our favorite book/movie about vicious children murdering their peers into our training schedule. I have plenty of ideas and cannot wait to share them. I may even reveal a few door decs for your viewing pleasure. Check back often, and may the odds be ever in your favor!

Participation Badge Generation

As my residents move out this week, the more I hear from their parents. Today, I had to endure a one-sided conversation from a father whose daughter was leaving after having a less than stellar semester. He told me that his daughter, Laura, is so confident in her abilities that she is actually surprised she is not the top of her class or best friends with everyone on her floor. According to her father, Laura has never failed at anything.

After listening to Laura’s father rant about her terrible roommate and horrible professors, I walked away thinking about today’s generation. I realized that Laura is not accustomed to hearing “no” or failing at anything, because she is of the Participation Badge Generation. This is a group of students who, in Little League, received a trophy just for playing. They were told by their parents they could be anything they wanted to be when they grew up. This generation was always protected by mothers who overly praised their mediocre children and fathers who argued with anyone who disagreed.

RA Banquet: It’s that Time of the Year!

Okay, yes, I have been a little cranky lately and my posts have reflected that. I blame the Mayans. In honor of a positive day, here is my blog post:

Tonight, I got dressed up in my Saturday best and headed out for the end-of-the-year banquet held at the campus’ special event building—nothing but class for my department! I was pleasantly surprised to find that all fourteen of my RAs had arrived before I did, which meant they were on time. They looked very snazzy in spring dresses and freshly pressed suits.

"Shackled by Debt"

My blog title comes from the first picture in the Huffington Post article, “Obama Administration, House Dems Push to Prevent Student Loan Rate Hike”. The picture embodies what many students already feel—that they are unable to envision a positive and prosperous future thanks to the overwhelming student debt they have. This article (found here), reports that Rep. Gary Peters (D-Mich.) and Rep. Joe Courtney (D-Conn.) are working to prevent the doubling of the Federal Direct Stafford Loan rate from 3.4% to 6.8% come July 1, 2012.

Opponents to the rate freeze argue that by not raising the student loan interest rate, it would cost tax payers close to $6 billion.

Sadly, I am a card-carrying member of the “Shackled by Debt” Club—a dubious honor I wish I never had; hence why this topic makes me so angry and disillusioned. When I was a junior in high school, my mom took me to every college fair in our area. She pushed me to pick the college that had the perfect fit for my social and academic needs, rather than on the price tag. Like all parents in the late 1990s, she assured me that a quality college education would be worth it in the long run. So what did I do? I got a Masters in Education—at times like these, I wish I had been an accountant instead.

Memo: My Boss is a Chump

Today, I came to the conclusion that good bosses and a positive work environment belong in the same category as unicorns and calorie-free ice cream—things that don’t exist.

Even since I admitted that I was ready to move to another institution for a different experience, those around me have taken pleasure in polluting my work space. They revel in telling my boss the fictional rumors they create—they lie about me leaving work early, yet forget to tell him how I attended a program with a 101 fever. They also neglect to mention how they spend their entire day playing Words with Friends or posting pictures to Instagram, all while I am busting my hump to get my work done so I can go home at a decent hour.

In Honor of the 32 Victims: 32 Words of Remembrance

Five years ago, Virginia Tech showed the nation how their strong community would carry them through the tragedy of April 16—they would not allow hate to define them. Live on Hokies!

Quarter-Life Crisis

Earlier today, as I stared at myself in the mirror, I realized that I am in the middle of a genuine quarter-life crisis. Even though I have been peering into the same mirror everyday for the past few years or more, this morning was different. What am I doing still living in a residence hall…at my age? Why am I still working a job that has not made me feel completely fulfilled for some time? Did I waste my potential by taking the hall director position? Did I make a mistake choosing Education rather than Accounting?

Today, I spent hours poring over every major decision I have made in my life and critically questioned each of them. I have tried to be a person who lives without regret—everything happens for a reason is my motto. But, at times like these, I wonder if I should have taken college more seriously. I goofed off and skipped too many classes, which made my trip to graduation a longer one. What if I had taken the typical four years to get my Bachelors? Would I be the same person typing this blog post?

RA Group Process = The Hunger Games

A few of my hall director friends and I just saw Hunger Games. Despite what I originally thought it would be like, I loved it! It left me unsettled, uncomfortable, and unsure if I liked the future—it’s always so mean. It also inspired me to look at Residential Life as the Capital and the RA Selection as the Hunger Games.

What if we replaced group process with a battle to the death? The one left standing wins the position. I think this would solve a few issues with our selection process, one being a lack of motivated candidates. If you want to be an RA, you better want it bad; otherwise you will die at the stinger of a tracker jacker.

But, honestly, how different is our group process compared to the whole Hunger Games process anyway? First, we choose a select few students who may or may not turn out to be superb candidates, or tributes. With the quality of candidate I see, sometimes I really think we simply pick names from a jar. Secondly, we sit around as judgmental spectators as they flaunt their abilities, trying to get noticed and make an impression. After all, when we are evaluating 20-24 students, it is hard to remember the average candidates.

Lastly, they must beat out their competition, especially during Carousel when there can be only one winner—the candidate who earns the job. They may not stab a sword into their opponents’ hearts; however, they have to be cunning, ruthless, and likeable all while being observed by us. To all the future RA candidates: May the odds be ever in your favor.

There Are No Sick Days in Residential Life

Pardon the brevity of my post; I’m pretty sure I have walking pneumonia or at least one of the worst colds I have had in a while. As I lay on my couch, waiting for the wonderful effects of NyQuil to take hold, I’m left wondering if hall directors can ever take a real sick day. Can I truly “call in sick” if work is mere feet away from where I am now? Can it be considered a day off for rest if no one in the building knows or honors it, and insists on knocking on my door?

Today, maintenance decided, without providing any notice, they needed to inspect the vent duct that runs through my apartment. So, at 7:30am, they pounded on my front door and demanded entrance. Even as I stood there with a red nose, bloodshot eyes, and a fistful of used tissues, they showed no sympathy for my state of health. I told them they could wait until next week; however, they argued with me until I gave up in frustration and allowed them to traipse through my den of sick. A part of me hopes they get a cold too—at least their sick day would be uninterrupted by work.

When they call in sick, do I drive to their house and push my way through their front door? I understand a free apartment in only free on paper, but there needs to be a point when human decency trumps a work order. Sadly, whenever a hall director takes a sick day, they are still expected to entertain their constituents. As my title aptly describes my week, there are no sick days in Residential Life. 

Still Feeling the Effects of Virginia Tech

Yesterday, the courts determined that Virginia Tech officials did not act fast enough or provide enough information on April 16, 2007 to prevent the deaths of 33 people (the entire article can be viewed here). Next month will commemorate the fifth anniversary of the largest massacre on a college campus in our nation’s history, and this has other colleges wondering how this will affect their emergency response.

I have mixed feelings about the ruling. It is easy to ‘Monday morning quarterback’ any situation and criticize how poorly it was handled once you are removed from the immediate stress of the moment. I have confronted enough incidents, granted none as severe as Virginia Tech, to know that you do what you think is needed as it happens and then debrief what could be done differently after the crisis is resolved. No matter how much training responders have, nothing compares to the actual incident; sometimes things go wrong. Unfortunately, when things went wrong the morning of April 16, people died.

Gender-Neutral Housing, Wave of the Future

A quick glance at my iPad calendar shows me that the year is still 2012, and yet we insist on debating the issue of equality for same-sex couples and members of the LGBT Community. Seriously? One of the GOP presidential candidates, Rick Santorum, compares homosexuality to deviant sex, like bestiality and pedophilia. Unfortunately, ignorant and bigoted morons like Santorum are not the only examples of the intense homophobia sweeping the nation. For the most part, Residential Life still restricts housing based on one’s sex (what mother nature gave us), rather than gender (socially constructed).

However, according to the Oklahoma Daily, the newspaper for the University of Oklahoma (for article click here), the campus is fighting for gender-neutral housing in the hope they can change the Conservative bent of their state and provide "a little step" in the right direction. For those unfamiliar with why gender-neutral housing is so important for the LGBT Community, here you go: it provides students who may possess one set of sex organs, but identify as a different gender, with a safe environment in which to live. Usually, gender-neutral residence halls permit anyone to live with each other regardless of gender—so men can live with women and vice versa. It also eliminates gender-separate bathrooms, which avoids the uncomfortable and intimidating choice as to which bathroom to use.