A Message for Senior Housing Officials

Since I created my Twitter account, I have seen an uptick in the number of Residential Life-related accounts (BitterHD, LousyRA, etc.), and I have to wonder if this is a sign that the voices of ResLifers are being silenced or at least being ignored. Is the reason that there are more Twitter accounts being used as venting outlets because we are not getting the same support at our home institutions? What does this mean for the field? Are we unhappy? Are we unsure of our professional direction? Why do we search the Internet for a place to complain, decompress, and receive affirmation that we are in the right career field?

In my humble opinion, I think it stems from the ideal that Residential Life is a utopian world wrapped in a rainbow sprinkled on top of an ice cream sundae, and any disruption to this perfect vision is seen as an attack (and a personal one at that). Of course, there is no job or career that is perfect and without problems. Every paycheck we receive in any field will be accompanied by grumbling and the occasional feeling of dread when the alarm clock blares. This is normal. I get it. Nothing is perfect; however, when a field, in general, makes it tantamount to murder to complain about your job, it creates an environment of secretly miserable workers.

If we are not permitted to have the rare bad day and have an honest conversation about why we are unhappy at this moment, we will learn to channel it in other areas—healthy or not. It may be drinking alcohol, bitching and gossiping with fellow HDs, or turning to the Internet for anonymous venting. Although therapeutic in the short-term, none of these stress relieving methods reach the root of the problem: we are not happy right now and no one wants to listen. My supervisor would rather call me a negative influence on the staff than to identify the issues within the greater Residential Life system. He would rather reminisce about his past HD experience through rose-colored glasses than to admit maybe he had a bad day or two.

Dear Senior Housing Officials, Do you want my unsolicited advice? (Too bad, you’re getting it anyway) Supervisors of live-in professional staff—and their supervisors—need to cultivate a Residential Life department that encourages proper ways of developing work/life balance and actually encourage it! Just saying you want your staff to be balanced does not make it so. You have to actively create that atmosphere by both words and your own actions. Plus, it needs to be okay to complain about a bad day without the risk of your live-in staff feeling like they are the worst employee since Peter Gibbons at Initech.

When I was a newbie HD, I sought out my supervisor for feedback on how to handle the bad days; however, I quickly learned that his vision was obscured by his own experiences that he defined as the “perfect, good ole days”. In his mind, there were no bad days in Residential Life. How could I have an honest and supportive conversation about noise in the lobby at 3am when he bragged about the three-bedroom, two-floor suite he lived in for four years as a new HD? My boss refused to leave himself out of the equation, which made me unable to seek his assistance from that point forward. He may label me as a “bad role model” for the other HDs, but I know that I speak the truth—the truth he is unwilling to acknowledge. Now, I just vent to the few co-workers I trust, my spouse, and as BadHallDirector.

The Twelve Pains of ResLife

While sitting in a coffee shop a few days ago, the radio was playing the “Twelve Days of Christmas” parody, “The Twelve Pains of Christmas”, and I realized that there was a need for a Hall Director version. If you want to sing it out loud in your office, don’t worry, I won’t judge.

The Twelve Things of Reslife that are Such a Pain to HDs…

12 judicial hearings

11 contract breaks

10 one-on-ones

9 hall council meetings

8 diversity programs

7 duty calls

6 housing reports

5 flooded floors

4 residents arrested

3 RAs fired

2 many hours

And all that documenting

Does Sleeping with your Staff Count as a Community Builder?

With the two sexual scandals in the college athletic sphere continuing to grab headlines, it is necessary to point out that Residential Life is just as guilty—or at least my department is. Thankfully, I have not heard of any my peers molesting young children; however, there are plenty of stories, both rumor and truth, of Hall Directors having sex with their staff and residents. I would love the chance to ask the professional staff members why they did it. Was it for the power? The sex? The companionship? What made them do it?

Two years ago, our department discretely fired Edgar, or let him quit on his own, depending to which rumor you subscribe, because he admitted to sleeping with a resident in his first-year building. Okay, this student was 18 years old, past the age of consent in my state, but our employment contract clearly states romantic and sexual relationships with students and staff members under our supervision are strictly forbidden. Why was he compelled to risk his job for a fling? Was this an ego trip? Was he lonely? In addition, did Fannie feel she had the right to say no? Did she love the idea of having a taboo relationship with someone who held all the power? Were they in love or were they just in it for the sex?

Plus, this was not the first time Edgar was caught in a compromising position. The year before, he openly discussed how he was giving out his personal cell phone number to residents he had counseled for domestic abuse and alcohol addiction, and would visit them at their room in the middle of the night when they would call him. Edgar claimed he was just a supportive shoulder and that he did not want other professional staff members involved. Again, does a first-year student who is dealing with a traumatic experience like being beaten by her significant other have the frame of mind to push off an advance from someone she sought out for help? Should the peers who knew about this behavior contacted Edgar’s supervisor sooner? And, like Paterno, Edgar’s supervisor sat on the information for a good while before acting—what should happen to him?

Another issue arises when you consider that some Hall Directors or Graduate Assistants are only a year or two older than staff or residents. In fact, one of my Grad Assistants awhile back was a year younger than my oldest RA. At what point is the line crossed over from tight-knit bonding, which is required as a Residential Life team, to harassment or an inappropriate relationship? The nature of our positions is living with our staff and the students we counsel, yet how can we stop emotional attachments that are just plain creepy from forming? I am not advocating for more HD/RA relationships…yuck! But, what I am pushing for is a more open conversation about how the Residential Life position almost encourages unhealthy boundaries to be created.

We are expected to be friends with our staff and be available for our residents in their time of need. Can we really be surprised when a few relationships develop? Of course, can we really be surprised when the older professional does not take the responsible role and say no? Where do we draw the line and how can we identify these issues sooner?

The Real Bullies: Housing Operations & Parents

As the Fall semester drags to a close, the phone calls from Housing Operations start to increase at an alarming rate, because more students are requesting to be released from their housing contracts. Without fail, each year around this time, I have a list of residents who have medical, financial, or personal excuses for not fulfilling their obligation to live in the halls. Some reasons are legit; I had one resident whose father refused to pay child support and the mother could no longer afford to pay for room and board. Another resident’s mother lost her job without notice two weeks after their student moved on-campus, and the unemployment checks were not stretching far enough.

However, there are also the lame excuses that are too pathetic to warrant my time. For example, I had a resident tell me she needed to be released, because she hated how her window faced the south side of the campus, yet refused to accept a room change. While some residents lack the creativity to manufacture good reasons for breaking their contract, others are too devious and dishonest for their own good. Sadly, plenty of my examples are lies fabricated, not by residents, rather by their parents who will not accept anything less than a contract break.

Last semester, after working with a mother for a week to build a solid case for a contract break, which was eventually denied, she called me up screaming as if it was my fault. Finally, when I told her there was nothing more I could do, she confessed that she was sending Housing Operations a letter from her daughter’s pediatrician that allegedly diagnosed her with anxiety and physical ailments as a result of a bedbug infestation. When I told her this was completely untrue, she threatened me with her lawyer and stated that she would do whatever was necessary to break the contract. What a great moral message to send your daughter, mom.

What frustrates me more than the conniving parents is how the Housing Operation office responds! In August, during training, Hall Directors are lectured on how stringent the rules are for granting contract breaks and that if a student fails to meet the limited requirements, no breaks will be issued. However, as December creeps closer, the office begins to reevaluate their available spaces for Spring transfers. Their eyes fill with dollar signs and the “student development” ideals are thrown out with the stale coffee grounds. No longer are they worried about holding residents accountable for sticking to a binding contract; they are more focused on how many people they can cram into any space big enough for a bed.

In the end, my peers and I try to teach residents that there are consequences for their decisions by upholding the very rules the Housing Operations office created. However, the sudden about-faces do nothing but inflate parents’ egos who believe throwing temper tantrums is the way to turn a ‘no’ into a ‘yes”,  and enrage residents who were denied earlier in the semester simply because their space was not needed at the time they requested a change.  I understand that college is a business now and that without 98% occupancy, my bosses job is at risk. However, at some point, we all need to take a united stand against parents who act like spoiled brats when they do not get their way. Too many parents threaten administrators, yet we continue to placate them. We need to stand up to the bullies and say NO!

Closing Time: You Can't Stay Here!

Nothing brings more joy than those two magical words: Hall Closing! For live-in professionals, these delightful moments are what make the semesters of judicial hearings, 3am fire alarms, and residing with residents bearable. On closing morning, I can hardly contain my desire to use my boots to push out the stragglers. However, with the promising bliss of a quiet hall comes the inevitable annoyance of searching rooms and documenting violations.

With each year, our lobby and hall signs become bigger, brighter, and bolder. We want to ensure that EVERY resident knows when we close and that they need to get out. Yet, every semester, there are at least 5-10 residents who are still in bed or half-dressed when the RAs knock on their door for inspections. Their excuses are variations of “I didn’t know I had to leave” or “my plane doesn’t leave until the afternoon”. They beg, cajole, and argue with my staff until I am called in, which results in me yelling at them for not reading the notice they signed for, ridiculing them for holding up our closing process, and scolding them for harassing my RAs. One semester, I had a resident take 90 minutes to shower, pack, and leisurely leave her room, only to try to swipe back into the building because she forgot her Twilight books. Neither Team Jacob nor Team Edward won that day.

Whew. Okay, building cleared—usually 2 hours behind schedule. Now comes the interesting part. And when I say interesting, I mean mostly disgusting. Checking the rooms flagged by my staff for outrageous violations can be hilarious, bewildering, or just plain described as a bio-hazard. One would think that if the residents are old enough to live on their own, they are old enough to flush the toilet, toss their trash, or fold their clothes. If you are one of those people, you’d be WRONG. The short list of issues I have found include: pet squirrels, a molded mayonnaise self-portrait on the floor, and brown stained women’s underwear tacked to a bulletin board. You do not know vile living conditions until you have inspected a dorm room. Thankfully, I only take photos and send judicial letters. However, at times like these, the question begs to be asked: who raised these slobs?

For the parents out there, please emphasize to your children that cleaning is a part of being an adult. You may have spent their first 18 years doing their laundry, vacuuming their bedroom, and washing behind their ears for them. However, once they move into my building, they are expected, and required by the student handbook, to maintain a level of cleanliness. By ignoring this crucial element of parental responsibility, you are harming both your child’s development as well as the experience of their roommate. If your child is a pig, I assume you are as well.

"Go Get a Job, After You Take a Bath"

More protestors, more pepper spray, more national coverage. The Occupy Wall Street Movement has been underway for months now, and the demonstrations are attracting increasingly more violence from police. At the UC Davis campus this weekend, students and faculty are up in arms over the unwarranted use of pepper spray on peacefully seated students exercising their First Amendment right. “Free speech is part of the DNA of this university, and non-violent protest has long been central to our history,” stated Mark G. Yoduf, the UC system president. For video and the full article, check out this link http://tinyurl.com/6nw6v8m.

Plus, shortly after the UC Davis story aired on Nightly News, footage from yesterday’s Republican Roundtable was aired; Newt Gingrich, when asked about the Occupiers, stated they should “go get a job, after they take a bath.” It seems to me that his generation, my parents’ generation, has conveniently forgotten about their time as protestors against the Vietnam War. Does Kent State ring any bells? Plus, I have seen the Woodstock movie—if anyone needed a hose-down, that crowd sure did.

I am outraged when I see authorities, like the police force at UC Davis, abuse protestors who are guilty of nothing more than taking a stand against a system they believe to be unjust. As President Yoduf said in the Los Angeles Times, college campuses have long been the site for educational discourse and demonstrations. If the protestors at UC Davis were throwing rocks at the police or flipping over buses, then I would agree with the pepper spray. However, from the video, the students were simply sitting on a sidewalk quietly and peacefully. Students have the right to demonstrate on college campuses as long as it does not violate the rights of others—that is one tenet of higher education that should never be violated.

Furthermore, if Gingrich thinks people are unemployed, because they just have not looked hard enough, then he needs to reevaluate reality. Gingrich secretly made investments in Freddie Mac even though he lambasted President Obama for doing the same. So, my point being, for someone who has no clue how badly the American people are suffering from the economic crisis and has hypocritically crawled into bed with one of the reasons we are in this mess, he sure is quick to judge young people fighting back. It may be easy for him to shower-up and become employed, but for the rest of us, who are not morally corrupt politicians, it is a little harder.

Once again, our leaders are ignoring the real issues: our graduates need jobs and our economy needs a boost. But, not by politicians in the back pockets of lobbyists or by Presidential nominees born with a silver spoon up their ass. Dear Mr. Gingrich, stop focusing on the protestors’ hygiene and start concentrating on the concerns they are addressing.

What Do Hall Directors Make?

Many of my teacher friends have posted Taylor Mali's inspirational YouTube video (seen here) detailing in hypnotizing beat poet fashion what teachers make. Mali does not reference salary, benefits, or pensions. Rather, he expounds that teachers make more than a paycheck--they make students work hard, challenge their thinking, and become better citizens. As educators, hall directors do the same thing for their residents.

I am a hall director and I am more than a babysitter with a free apartment. I have helped form timid RAs into paraprofessional staff members, confident in confronting a 10-person party with dozens of alcohol bottles. I have guided freshly graduated high school seniors into first-year students capable of running a successful Hall Council E-Board along with developing well-attended programs. I have stood toe-to-toe with aggressive students accused of violating policy, only to have them apologize during a judicial hearing, never receiving a documentation again. I have counseled students who have been sexually assaulted, who were bullied because they just came out as homosexual, who have suicidal ideations, and who are addicted to alcohol or drugs.

For the thousands of past, present, and future hall directors, it is important to recognize how crucial a position we all have. Parents moving in and leaving their "babies" maybe for the first time need to know we do more than change their child's room assignment. Faculty and staff unassociated with Residential Life need to know we are allies not barriers to helping their students. Our RA staff needs to know we are available for them; however, this does not mean we will always answer our cell phone, answer the 1:00am email asking for a broom, or ignore poor job performance. Our students need to know we will always be an advocate for them and have their best interests in mind; but, not at the sacrifice of them developing into self-reliant adults capable of making positive decisions. Finally, our supervisors need to remember how it was to be a hall director, recognize the many hats we wear (the same ones they wore at one point), and give us credit for our hard work along with giving us a break every once and a while.

So, when someone asks what does a hall director make, you can say a difference.